I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
