Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
