May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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