Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what day is it and did you see me today?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
