Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
