I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
