I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
