the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
