Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
