watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
