I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
