Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
