if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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