Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
