Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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