Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
