Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
