Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
