every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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