she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
