I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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