Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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