His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
