if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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