I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
