I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We left the knife in your bed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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