We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
