i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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