3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
