she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
not ubering you a puppy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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