Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just invented taco cereal.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
