I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
