Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
