FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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