I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
