i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
