i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
