you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
