dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
