hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
