I hate all girls vehemently.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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