hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
