it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
