My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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