He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
