He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
