You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
