yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
