i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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