An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
